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| My uni graduation. Spring 2005. We were in a sugar-coated bubble of love. |
One afternoon last week I was catching up on an Offspring episode that I'd missed.
Of course I managed to find the time to do important 'work' like this, but couldn't seem to squeeze in bringing in the washing or preparing dinner. Hello leftovers for dinner and another night with my saggy washing hanging on the line!
But I digress.
As I was absorbed in Nina and Patrick's love affair, I felt pangs of envy at their level of intimacy and the time they were able to spend together. They were able to do simple things together like talk. Really talk. To have deep and meaningful discussions.
I long for this.
I turned green as I watched them snatch kisses over the kitchen bench before work, and stroll arm-in-arm down the hospital corridors. And don't even get me started about their sweet, eye-gazing pillow talk, and their intimate bath session... They seemed so connected.
I realise that these are simply characters in a TV show but I couldn't help but feel deflated and even sad as I watched their blooming (fictional) romance.
Their intimacies in particular dug me in the ribs.
As I watched their little, fairy-floss flavoured love-bubble, I felt grief for the way my loved-up BC (before children) relationship once was and what it has evolved into.
We were like Nina and Patrick once too. And then the honeymoon finished and we had babies and a business. And did I mention babies?
I want to still be in that happy, loved-up place. I want the bubble back.
I miss those quiet, uninterrupted chats and staying up chatting in the wee hours. But they are now few and far between.
Simple things like finding time to finish off a conversation or getting a moment to apologise for the latest argument or snappy comment are hard to find.
But last weekend I was thrilled to get a night away from the kids with my husband. We stayed in the city and it was glorious to have him all to myself.
At one point during dinner as he made me laugh out loud (as I sipped my third cocktail) I caught a sparkle in my husband's eye that I hadn't seen in a long time.
Caught up in the moment and free of distractions I felt so completely happy.
"I really like you!" I said in my half-tipsy state.
I surprised myself as I said it.
I really like the person with whom I cohabitate with and too often pass silently as our schedules misalign each day like ships passing in the night.
I want to spend more time with this guy.
I miss him.
This charming, funny, intelligent guy.
I don't like the cranky tired people we seem to be in day-to-day reality.
So tonight we're going out on a date. I'm wearing a gorgeous knew pair of shoes and I'm ready to fall into my husband's eyes over a deep red in a quiet cafe while our children are tucked snuggly in their beds. We can enjoy a private, cosy corner of a world we reallly need to visit much more often.
